Wiring Diagram:

My symptoms were a functional intermittent wipe but non functional wash/wipe (both parts). When I unplugged the washer motor the wipe part of the function did work. Tracked the issue down to a seized washer motor, which was pulling stall current (much higher than operating current) and dragging the voltage low enough to not activate the wiper relay.
Of course when I fixed the electricals I found the leak behind the headlining, but that's now been fixed with a section of hose from an E38 I'm currently disposing of. The washer pump also came from that car, although I had to graft a bit of the loom on as they've changed the connector.
Hope this helps someone in the future!