For sale ad euphemisms

[GC318]

comes with lots of spare parts (because your gonna need them)

[jaymos]

bodywork would benefit from a tcut - full respray needed

[Speedtouch]

Showroom Condition - but only after you lavish ££££ on a full rebuild, which incidentally would buy you a new car.

[minicooper172]

Genuine reason for sale - I keep getting stopped in it because the local rozzers know me by name.

[B7]

I'm sorry, but whats this got to do with e30's?

Should it not be in the Pub Talk section?

[swindler]

Totally mint for the year ... = just as shagged as you would be if you were ridden ragged every day for 20 years and left to sleep out at night

[jonny323i]

my mrs went to buy a mini once description was
car very good condition ideal for first time driver

actual condition no wheels on bricks all the windows open with chickens living in it and weeds growing from everywhere

[Royalratch]

Has the famous 6-Cylinder Engine - Any boat anchor in service that long should be well known.

[Speedtouch]

Highly sought after - by TWOCers.

[Royalratch]

Great value for money - it's two cars in 1.

[Rodderz]

One careful owner... John Terry's old car!

[jaymos]

One careful owner... John Terry's old car!

lol, one small stain on back seat - new interior needed or retrim

[jon552]

some welding needed for mot = bring bucket and spade to clear off drive

good runner but a) starter motor connection faulty so wont turn over, or b) needs battery= rattles like a bag of spanners, smoke's like a good'un and/or gearbox fu*ked so i don't want you driving it before parting with cash.

minor work needed to be 'mint' = will be surprised if you get it home

best i've seen = only one ive seen

[Morat]

A few supermarket/trolley dings = beaten like a copper fire guard
Aircon needs regassing (£70) = it'll need regassing after you've fitted a new compressor
Aircon blows ice cold = only when it is snowing
Cherished = polished but not serviced.
Needs wheelbearings for the MOT, I'd do it myself but I'm XYZ = I can't hide the sound of screaming metal with filler and underseal, and I'm not telling you about the ABS light I've disconnected or the oil level light I poked out with a dart.
Lowered all round = springs shagged to oblivion
Alpina Alloys = BurgerKings
Genuine Alpina Alloys = Burger Kings
Genuine Original Alpina Alloys with centre caps and keys = Burger Kings

[snakebrain]

Thread resurrection for a genuine classic line

"has the start of a rat look bonnet" = the bonnet's all rusty

[Speedtouch]

Mint Condition - will have you saying Bah, Humbug as you uncover all the bodges.

Goes like the wind - rotten as a pear, lets in lots of wind.

Fully stamped up service book - by the local forger.

[sanitroc1]

I bought a toyota carina estate many years ago that had 12 months ticket and was advertised as a mobile skip . The thing is it wasn't that bad , I abused the hell out of it on site for the year , never touched it , only opened the bonnet once to put water in the screen washers and it never missed a beat . When the mot was due I didn't have the heart to put it through any more so it went to the weigh bridge .

[Cotty]

Great runner, just needs MOT - I don't have the £3,000 it needs to get it through

[Jesus325iTouring]

Vin numbers etc don't match- mistake at factory.........yeeeeah ok.

On an Astra GTE I once viewed.

I think my favourite though is... Needs TLC - Needs weighing in.

[Morat]

Fastidiously maintained by owner/engineer - tight-fisted tinker has been at work, try and find something that hasn't been bodged, superglued or Scotchlocked.

Thats the scary one!

[snakebrain]

On gumtree at the minute: "Wolseley 1600, in need of a little work".......






























.......Looks good, doesn't it?

[Speedtouch]

Buy wisely, buy a Wolseley, though the one above looks to have some thorny issues!