Fri Sep 24, 2010 7:38 pm
Dear Mr Willman,
I understand that in a forthcoming episode of the world's most entertaining car related TV programme, our heroes destroy three E30 convertibles.
I enclose herewith three genuine fibreglass tech two kits, three sets of 17" Alpina rims with an assortment of unmatched Nankang Ditchfinders along with -60mm lowered suspension, three sets of headlight eyebrows, three K&N cone filters, an assortment of genuine Alpina, AC Schitzer, Hartge and ///M-Powered badges, stripes, gearknobs, tissue boxes, rocker cover badges, sill plates etc. Three sets of Lexus style rear lights and three bangin' ICE installs with custom door installs and Estoril Blue leatherz with contrasting piping complete the package.
I would be very much obliged if you could do the E30 community and the wider world a huge favour and create three genuine Birmingham Motorsport convertibles out of the three sorry wrecks you already have selected and thereafter use these and destroy them in the time honoured falling piano tradition for the entertainment of the masses.
I also have a suggestion for a good running joke in the same vein as bumping into one of the cars repeatedly and I enclose three Clifford Concept 50 alarm/immobiliser kits. If you install one of these in each of the cars, you could have endless hours of amusement with the alarm sounding every time a motorbike passes, cars refusing to start, remotes operating the wrong systems, and alarms going off randomly. I can see JC in particular, being apoplectically funny in this scenario.
I see two immediate advantages. Firstly, it'll be much funnier and more importantly that'll be three sets of shite removed from the temptation of the Birmingham bruvvas.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Best regards,
Boyd