E30 Zone

So you read a for sale ad for a car, then you have a look at the pictures. You might even go and have a look at it. Then you come back and read the ad again. You realise that:

'Bodywork not mint' means 'door fallen off'.

'Leather scuffed' means 'I let my tiger live in there for 6 weeks'.

'Starts first time every time' means 'when you roll it down a hill for 200 yards, sometimes'.

'Every panel rust-free' means 'view of road through hole in footwell'.

'Runs as it should' leaves out 'for a car that's still on it's original oil'.

Paste and add your own!

recently Brand new tires-Brand new tires needed

Fully serviced, Means its was serviced a once upon a time

One careful owner...and fifteen careless ones.

All original-No servicing or replacement of damaged parts
Taxed for 6 months-they will take it back and get money back.
MOT not due till next year-It will fail an MOT so make the most out of it

Fastidiously maintained by owner/engineer - tight-fisted tinker has been at work, try and find something that hasn't been bodged, superglued or Scotchlocked.

Real head turner = Exhaust backfires every ten seconds.

Individual = No one else would be seen dead in it.

Starts first time, hot or cold - but runs like a bag of spanners.

First to see will buy-His pals will take your money and force you to take the car.
Original paint-its pink

Celebrity owned - by {insert your favourite serial killer}

Previous owner fitted a 2.7

or "came from the factory with a 2.7"

Baby M3-318is
Full cage-Scaffolder on crack

Superb Sound System - A Banging ripspeed subwoofer

Don't forget this is a 25 year old car and has the odd scratch - every panel is fooked!

Genuine reason for sale - it's a cut and shut!

Needs minor work for mot - Its got a 3 page fail sheet

Recently serviced 12000 miles ago

Even has the original tool kit - Only has rusty spanners in

air con just needs a re-gas

Alex wrote:Even has the original tool kit - Only has rusty spanners in

Even worse Still has original tool roll in mint condition -Although it is emptry

last owner was a mechanic so was kept up together- a bloke with a hammer chizzel and some 20w50 oil i.e (chip Fat!!!!)

matt_320i wrote:last owner was a mechanic so was kept up together- a bloke with a hammer chizzel and some 20w50 oil i.e (chip Fat!!!!)

Sounds like you done it before

no i have experianced it though as i boutght a 318 once off a bloke who didnt have ot long and said the previous owner was a mechanic and it was all kept mint then 2 weeks into having it the engine blew because the oil was so thick!!!!!!!

'Owned by lady doctor for past four years' ..... who named it Toby, drove it till it stopped working then bought a bicycle. Since then it's shared the stable with Penelope.

'Needs a good vacuum' - boot full of hay.

Full of character = not roadworthy

Full of charm = looks good but runs like a bag of poo

Service History - It was that long ago you would need a historian to help you find out when

Show Winner - Where the judges class burberry and soverins as a must have fashion acessery

1 Years MOT - 'I think its got almost 11 months MOT mate'

In VGC, any trial or inspection welcome - A 2" strip along the bottom of the bonnet has been hand painted in an off colour white. The wheels have been sprayed with silver steel wheel aerosol along with the tyre walls. Removal of the radiator cap results in a massive gurgle of water from deep down in the rad and the inside is bone dry and rusty.

No rust - Bubbling on all 4 arches and door shuts

Good tyres all round - F1 racing slicks

Been stored in a dry, warm garage- it's been used as a horse trough and the pigeons have used it for target practice

Never been welded................ Has fibreglass footwells and arches!

1 lady owner = clutch slipping, brakes grinding, oil never checked and wheels are curbed

1 careful owner - Hertz rent a car.

Small ding on passenger side wing, hardly noticable on the photo - CAT C write off!

"Selling due to growing family" - the interior will reek of used nappies and baby vomit

one careful clergy owner..
Peodophile who used it for cruising for little boys!